NEVERLAND (the lost dream)

The first time I was there I walked slowly

Across the pebble pathway

The wind carried a wonderful warm scent of vanilla

Raising my head to breathe it in

Gazing at the sky

The sky a deep orange behind lavender clouds

At the end of the pathway sits a house

Surrounded by vibrant plants and flowers

Dark tree with red, pink and purple leaves

Falling gracefully on cobalt grass

I still can’t adequately describe

The feeling I felt there

As I neared the house

I could see a woman

Sitting on the front porch swing

with a child in her lap, a girl

And A young boy standing next to her

And I heard him say

“Look Mommy, it’s Daddy”

And then I woke up

dumbfounded, asking myself

Was that my wife, kids

I confused but mostly angry

Because I didn’t want to wake up

I didn’t want to leave

The second time I was there I didn’t walk

I ran

It was all the same

The vanilla scent, the soft warm wind

The colors of the sky

All of it

When I got to the porch the swing was empty

I sat and felt the smooth finish of the wood

Then I heard laughter in the back yard

I ran around the house and they were there

this time the little girl saying “Daddy”

Then I woke up

Every time I went back I tried to get closer

trying to see their faces

But I never could

I looked forward to sleep just to go back


The last time I was there

It was cold

Everything was black and gray

The house was empty

And then I saw him in the yard

The horned being with bloody eyes

And I knew what it meant

And I haven’t been there since

Going there was and is the reason I look forward to sleep

But I don’t get to sleep anymore

And I want to go home!

Because it’s more than just a dream


And I want my dream back

It’s where I wanted to be

It’s was my Neverland

But the pirates of the night took it away from me

And I haven’t seen it again

All I have left are the nightmares

And the devils

The devils come for me every night



These Hands

These hands

These hands are but tools

A means to an end

For others

At times they are weapons

Better know for destruction

And the evil deeds they’ve taken part in


These hands can do other things

These hands can create

Craft and build

These hands can guide and assist

Give care and protect

Connect through touch and gesture

For within these hands

There is love

To be given

But, not so much received

For there is more work to be done

And these hands

Must always be ready




Do you cry when you’re alone?

Do you whimper to the sound

Of another’s voice

Pounding fear into your mind

Grinding thoughts together

Into a dark festival of failures and mishaps

Perhaps it’s the torment

Of the thing that voice belongs to

Which places you under a frozen status

Of helplessness

Crippling you to where you’re eyes

Can see nothing more than a lost soul

Drooling it’s saliva of existence

Into a pool of nothing

Do you cry when you’re alone?

Do you perspirate in cowardice

Under a dark and frightening figure

As if you were swimming in the sun

Under the flaming humidity

Of a summer’s eve

Drinking from a sultry glass

The hot sizzling liquid magma

Of which is a cool drink

Raising the ever so rising temperature

Of fearful containment

Fanning out ever so slightly

Through the cracks of your character

Which you call bravery

Do you cry when you’re alone?

Do you spit, spew and vomit to

A gut full of tainted emotions

To the taste of unforgivable madness

The sickening germs of morality and compassion

Feeling the sting of confused love

A returned ring

Feeding the rage in your heart

As you sink your teeth into

A sweet a bloody liquor-ish whip

Which bites into the flesh of a child

Who begins to feel his hot urine

Stream down his hills of innocence

Do you cry when you’re alone?

Do you go to bed awake at night

Only to fall asleep in the morning

To dream of the small contained room

Filled with the screeching yells

Of your child’s voice

With echoing sounds of blood

Dripping on the floor

Splattering on the wall

The ripping of tearing flesh

Of a cracking whip

Against weak feeble skins

The smell of sour sweat

Hot liquor breath

Urine and sickening musk

To hear yourself saying

“I do it because I love you!”

When it was really

“I do it because I hate me!”

Waking to the visions of a floor

Made a pool of blood, beer and sweat

And a bloody sobbing boy who


Always there when you open your eyes

To remind you how you ruined

What could have been

A beautiful father and son relationship!








She said that I didn’t love myself

That I do stupid things when I’m drunk

It struck me like darts to the chest

That hurt

To hear her say that

It wasn’t what I needed to hear that day

She thought I was drunk

I hadn’t had a drink in over ten days

All I wanted was one drink

Then I’ll leave

She gave it to me

Called me a god

I was confused

Said that I needed to  learn to say no

That I need to take care of myself

Another dart

She has a knack for seeing through me

I don’t know what hurt more

Hearing it

Or knowing she was right

I know she meant well

I know she was just trying to be a friend

But I don’t hate myself

And I have love

I give it to those around me

I just don’t feel it from people

Or it doesn’t feel real

Maybe I forgot how to feel

I don’t remember sometimes

I’m just very critical of myself

I’m tired

I just want to sleep

It’s hard to explain why I can’t

No one really knows what I go through every night

But I try

I keep trying

I’m no god or anything of the sort

I would never consider myself as such

I’m just a man

And I may be broken

But I’m still standing

For now

So what lies between arrowheads

And arteries

I have it here

This is my heart

If you want it

Here it is

Take it

Handle with care

Please oh, please

Don’t break it

There’s not much left

But it’s strong

I leave it

Because when I’m gone

I’m gone

No one will know

And I’ll leave no trace to follow

But that time has yet to come

She asked me if I wanted another beer

I told her no

I’m going home



It starts with the emptiness

The headaches, the stress

The liquor soaked liver

And the pain in my chest

I was lonely

My friends where leaving or had left

My feelings were numbing dreams

Of sleep and of death

Every inhaled cloud

Was another choking breathe

Wow! I can die now

How worse can it get?

Forever proving love to friends

To be something they’d forget

Guess a happy life was never meant

For a degenerate

As I reflect on all the time I spent

And the damning events

Where people misconstrued my intents

Then they talk shit

Like it has no effect

If they don’t want me around

Fine, they have my respect

I’m used to being alone

There’s nothing more I can expect



Misconceptions fought off with

Misguided aggression

Fogging up all seen perceived perceptions

Life is a lesson

We all live and learn

Trust others and get burned

That’s how the world turns

We all don’t get what we earn

Things are always taken from the individual

All past events are now invisible

Supposedly we evolved

Now everything is digital

Now getting up from a cushion

Is work that’s too physical

The world is falling apart

I’m starting to get a visual

I see catastrophe in hand sized packages

Like bricks through windows

I see bodies stacked in masses

Like magma fire in a devils soul

I see savages that think they are gods

Pounding away at civilians with iron rods

What happened to the little kids

Who used to play with dogs

Guess they grew up

Started hanging out with the wrong crowd of mobs

The wimpy ones

Who run away from hogs

The ones who said they were driven

But only became pawns

The ones that got smoked

Because they fell into the fog

The ones who said they knew where they were going

But always ended up lost…