HUMANITY

I am a poet

A killer of minds

A hopeless loser

I have done deeds

That I’m not proud of in the least

Yet I have no regrets

I have stabbed men

Tortured them

Left them lingering

Inches from death

Yet I have no regrets

I have stabbed myself

Beaten myself

Tried to kill myself

On numerous attempts

Yet I have no regrets

Janet stabbed me

Silvia tried to kill me

My ex never loved me

M… never gave me a chance

Yet I have no regrets

I lost many friends

I get lonely sometimes

I have trouble speaking on it

Yet I have no regrets

No

Fuck that!

I have regrets

I regret the disparity

I regret the uncertainty

The isolation

The pointless waiting

The wasted time

I have some regrets

But what do you expect

I’m just human after all

I’m human

BY OSCAR TORRES LEON

 

 

BETWEEN ARROWHEADS AND ARTERIES

She said that I didn’t love myself

That I do stupid things when I’m drunk

It struck me like darts to the chest

That hurt

To hear her say that

It wasn’t what I needed to hear that day

She thought I was drunk

I hadn’t had a drink in over ten days

All I wanted was one drink

Then I’ll leave

She gave it to me

Called me a god

I was confused

Said that I needed to  learn to say no

That I need to take care of myself

Another dart

She has a knack for seeing through me

I don’t know what hurt more

Hearing it

Or knowing she was right

I know she meant well

I know she was just trying to be a friend

But I don’t hate myself

And I have love

I give it to those around me

I just don’t feel it from people

Or it doesn’t feel real

Maybe I forgot how to feel

I don’t remember sometimes

I’m just very critical of myself

I’m tired

I just want to sleep

It’s hard to explain why I can’t

No one really knows what I go through every night

But I try

I keep trying

I’m no god or anything of the sort

I would never consider myself as such

I’m just a man

And I may be broken

But I’m still standing

For now

So what lies between arrowheads

And arteries

I have it here

This is my heart

If you want it

Here it is

Take it

Handle with care

Please oh, please

Don’t break it

There’s not much left

But it’s strong

I leave it

Because when I’m gone

I’m gone

No one will know

And I’ll leave no trace to follow

But that time has yet to come

She asked me if I wanted another beer

I told her no

I’m going home

BY OSCAR TORRES LEON

WISHING FOR HEAVEN

I hate this

I wish I could be with you

I miss you

Your hug, your punch

Your tickle

I remember all the nights

We’d play fight

In the bedroom

I never thought for a second

This would be something

That would end soon

I wish you knew

All the feelings that I felt

And I dealt

With the chance

That there was nothing else

Than me loving you

And you

Not loving me

But it’s ok

I’ll keep indulging

Living in a fantasy

And keep hoping

For a dream

That’ll probably never happen

Even if I have to cry

While you

Keep on laughing

BY OSCAR TORRES LEON

WHAT A DAY

Day to day

Spending time tucked away

Loneliness and solitude

Living life in the cage

What to say

Nothing

For there is nothing to talk about

No happy events

Or joyous time spent

Just living alone

With a mind twisted and bent

Talking to myself

The wall is my best friend

Speaking to inanimate objects

Having wonderful conversations

BY OSCAR TORRES LEON

HELLO

(Ring…ring…ring…click)

“Hello”

(Click…beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)

I’m sorry I had to call and hang up on you

I just had to hear your beautiful voice

One last time

Before you leave me forever

I just needed one last memorable hello

So I don’t have to think about the goodbye

And why we could never be together

BY OSCAR TORRES LEON

A HARD WORD TO SAY

There is a word that is

Hard for every person to say

And when said

It sometimes relates to

A saddened or bad day

And if that’s the cause

It is usually hated

To be heard as well as said

And for some of us

It’s a word that we dread

It leaves us lost

Because it will sometimes deal with a loss

A loss that may cripple us

Leaving our emotions to pay the cost

Leaving our minds slightly unbalanced

And unable to focus

It’s a word

That we have all at some time

Asked ourselves

What this word really is

And we all wonder at one time

How we should say it

And yet for me

No matter how many times I have said it

It is no easier

I still find trouble in pronouncing this word

And if you’re wondering

What this word is

The answer is

The answer is

Goodbye

BY OSCAR TORRES LEON

Cycles

Last night I held a gun to my head

And recited a prayer

As I laid down to rest

And I thought about what if

I pulled this fucking trigger

And let off a round of lead

I’m not married and I don’t have kids

So who will be there?

To collect all of my shit

Cause let’s be real

I’m worth more dead

And people would rather have my money

Than the love I have to give

If I had one cent

For every drop of blood and sweat

I’d be a fucking billionaire

For all the labor that I did

And what do I get

Nothing but fake love

An ocean of lies poured from damned lips

When all I want is the truth

Even if that makes me a masochist

They say that poisoned hearts never change

But I never remember venom

Flowing from these veins

I never remember being the reason for your pain

But I was always the one who took the blame

So what happens to a man?

After all the mistakes

After a break

With what I thought was fate

I guess I take a couple of pills and liquor with them

Another victim of withdrawal symptoms

Wrapping in the blanket of addiction

And letting all the side effects kick in

As I give that revolver a spin

As I go through the cycles

Do I, or do I not really like you?

Do I choose life?

Or do I squeeze and bite you?

Do I stay in hell?

Or do I fight for heaven?

Do I chase the dream?

Or let the darkness set in?

As I go over the words I said

Our father

Who art in heaven

Hollowed be thy name

Thy kingdom come

Thy will be done

On earth as it is in heaven

Give us this day

Our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive those who trespass against us

And let us not into temptation

But deliver us from evil

Deliver us from evil!

Deliver us from evil!!

Deliver us from evil!!!

Fuck this!

I got shit to do

BY OSCAR TORRES LEON