She said that I didn’t love myself

That I do stupid things when I’m drunk

It struck me like darts to the chest

That hurt

To hear her say that

It wasn’t what I needed to hear that day

She thought I was drunk

I hadn’t had a drink in over ten days

All I wanted was one drink

Then I’ll leave

She gave it to me

Called me a god

I was confused

Said that I needed to  learn to say no

That I need to take care of myself

Another dart

She has a knack for seeing through me

I don’t know what hurt more

Hearing it

Or knowing she was right

I know she meant well

I know she was just trying to be a friend

But I don’t hate myself

And I have love

I give it to those around me

I just don’t feel it from people

Or it doesn’t feel real

Maybe I forgot how to feel

I don’t remember sometimes

I’m just very critical of myself

I’m tired

I just want to sleep

It’s hard to explain why I can’t

No one really knows what I go through every night

But I try

I keep trying

I’m no god or anything of the sort

I would never consider myself as such

I’m just a man

And I may be broken

But I’m still standing

For now

So what lies between arrowheads

And arteries

I have it here

This is my heart

If you want it

Here it is

Take it

Handle with care

Please oh, please

Don’t break it

There’s not much left

But it’s strong

I leave it

Because when I’m gone

I’m gone

No one will know

And I’ll leave no trace to follow

But that time has yet to come

She asked me if I wanted another beer

I told her no

I’m going home



It starts with the emptiness

The headaches, the stress

The liquor soaked liver

And the pain in my chest

I was lonely

My friends where leaving or had left

My feelings were numbing dreams

Of sleep and of death

Every inhaled cloud

Was another choking breathe

Wow! I can die now

How worse can it get?

Forever proving love to friends

To be something they’d forget

Guess a happy life was never meant

For a degenerate

As I reflect on all the time I spent

And the damning events

Where people misconstrued my intents

Then they talk shit

Like it has no effect

If they don’t want me around

Fine, they have my respect

I’m used to being alone

There’s nothing more I can expect



Misconceptions fought off with

Misguided aggression

Fogging up all seen perceived perceptions

Life is a lesson

We all live and learn

Trust others and get burned

That’s how the world turns

We all don’t get what we earn

Things are always taken from the individual

All past events are now invisible

Supposedly we evolved

Now everything is digital

Now getting up from a cushion

Is work that’s too physical

The world is falling apart

I’m starting to get a visual

I see catastrophe in hand sized packages

Like bricks through windows

I see bodies stacked in masses

Like magma fire in a devils soul

I see savages that think they are gods

Pounding away at civilians with iron rods

What happened to the little kids

Who used to play with dogs

Guess they grew up

Started hanging out with the wrong crowd of mobs

The wimpy ones

Who run away from hogs

The ones who said they were driven

But only became pawns

The ones that got smoked

Because they fell into the fog

The ones who said they knew where they were going

But always ended up lost…




His name was Vernon Preston Wallace

He was born on January 17th

From that day on he became a legend

He was one of the most loving and genuine gifts

To grace this world

He had a smile as bright as sunlight

And a laugh that could fill a room with joy

He could argue with the best of them

And man did he make some awesome chilli

Every soul he touched was blessed

When others walked away

He never turned his back on me

He only pulled me closer

He knew all my truths and all my secrets

He understood the whys and how’s

Of what I did

And never looked down on me

I will remember all the long conversations

All the gaming sessions

All the times out

All the laughs and jokes

All the tears

All the warm embraces

And all the memories shared

He meant so much to me

He was more than just a friend

He was a father

He was a brother

He knows how much I loved him

And how much I will miss him

And rather than say goodbye

I will say

See you later

He was more than just a man

He was a hero

He was a savior


This poem is dedicated to the memory of Vernon Preston Wallace. May the world be brighter with the light he left behind.




Buying weapons is fun

Using weapons gives me pleasure

I take guns to make runs to deliver peace

I am that beast which howls in the silence


When sounds of tortured yells fill the air

Simple because it excites me

More stimulating than any other stimulant

Drug or otherwise

Surprise is the key to entertainment

Piercing the soul

Turning blood flow to bleeding

Equal to the magnitude of blame

Times emotional feelings

Wounds that strike deeper than grieving

Perceiving perception is one way to see me

Just focus on the reflection

Of the reflection that you are seeing

I’m not the turbulent gongs

But the faint echoes you are hearing


The hand that hold the remote

Is barely in control

Thinking you are aware

Is far from knowing

That urge to see painted walls is growing

That craving is craving for you to feed

The taste is seducing your tongue

Kissing to your needs

Open the gates and release me

Together we can plow the world

Of the dangerous species

Deliver sin to the sinners

Who cry for a response

The longer you keep me hidden

The more I will consume you

Until you no longer exist

Don’t you turn against me

Buy that knife



I hate this

I wish I could be with you

I miss you

Your hug, your punch

Your tickle

I remember all the nights

We’d play fight

In the bedroom

I never thought for a second

This would be something

That would end soon

I wish you knew

All the feelings that I felt

And I dealt

With the chance

That there was nothing else

Than me loving you

And you

Not loving me

But it’s ok

I’ll keep indulging

Living in a fantasy

And keep hoping

For a dream

That’ll probably never happen

Even if I have to cry

While you

Keep on laughing