She said that I didn’t love myself
That I do stupid things when I’m drunk
It struck me like darts to the chest
That hurt
To hear her say that
It wasn’t what I needed to hear that day
She thought I was drunk
I hadn’t had a drink in over ten days
All I wanted was one drink
Then I’ll leave
She gave it to me
Called me a god
I was confused
Said that I needed to learn to say no
That I need to take care of myself
Another dart
She has a knack for seeing through me
I don’t know what hurt more
Hearing it
Or knowing she was right
I know she meant well
I know she was just trying to be a friend
But I don’t hate myself
And I have love
I give it to those around me
I just don’t feel it from people
Or it doesn’t feel real
Maybe I forgot how to feel
I don’t remember sometimes
I’m just very critical of myself
I’m tired
I just want to sleep
It’s hard to explain why I can’t
No one really knows what I go through every night
But I try
I keep trying
I’m no god or anything of the sort
I would never consider myself as such
I’m just a man
And I may be broken
But I’m still standing
For now
So what lies between arrowheads
And arteries
I have it here
This is my heart
If you want it
Here it is
Take it
Handle with care
Please oh, please
Don’t break it
There’s not much left
But it’s strong
I leave it
Because when I’m gone
I’m gone
No one will know
And I’ll leave no trace to follow
But that time has yet to come
She asked me if I wanted another beer
I told her no
I’m going home
BY OSCAR TORRES LEON
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