She said that I didn’t love myself

That I do stupid things when I’m drunk

It struck me like darts to the chest

That hurt

To hear her say that

It wasn’t what I needed to hear that day

She thought I was drunk

I hadn’t had a drink in over ten days

All I wanted was one drink

Then I’ll leave

She gave it to me

Called me a god

I was confused

Said that I needed to  learn to say no

That I need to take care of myself

Another dart

She has a knack for seeing through me

I don’t know what hurt more

Hearing it

Or knowing she was right

I know she meant well

I know she was just trying to be a friend

But I don’t hate myself

And I have love

I give it to those around me

I just don’t feel it from people

Or it doesn’t feel real

Maybe I forgot how to feel

I don’t remember sometimes

I’m just very critical of myself

I’m tired

I just want to sleep

It’s hard to explain why I can’t

No one really knows what I go through every night

But I try

I keep trying

I’m no god or anything of the sort

I would never consider myself as such

I’m just a man

And I may be broken

But I’m still standing

For now

So what lies between arrowheads

And arteries

I have it here

This is my heart

If you want it

Here it is

Take it

Handle with care

Please oh, please

Don’t break it

There’s not much left

But it’s strong

I leave it

Because when I’m gone

I’m gone

No one will know

And I’ll leave no trace to follow

But that time has yet to come

She asked me if I wanted another beer

I told her no

I’m going home

BY OSCAR TORRES LEON