As I stood in the cemetery, while my friend was being put to ground, many thoughts crossed my mind. Where does the soul go after one is laid to rest? Under this soil lay the bodies of youthful spirits. In many cases taken too suddenly. Should we know when our time is at its end? Would that knowledge benefit us? What do we really know about death? If I died today how would I be remembered? Will they remember me as the person who was always there? Or will I be remembered as the drunken asshole stumbling out of a bar? Have I done anything meaningful? How many lives have I touched? How many have I destroyed? Have I been here too long? I left the funeral and continues on to the graves of other loved ones who also lay in that same cemetery. First I visited the grave of my ex father in-law who I buried six years ago. As I kneeled down to clean his head stone I wondered if anyone else comes to visit his grave besides me. I thought of the memories I had of him. He was kind to me. From there I went to the grave of my uncle. I have no memories of him. Sadly he had taken his own life before I was born. All I had were stories of what he was like. Of how I was like him in appearance and personality. From there I went to the Grave of my grandmother. She too died before I was born. I always wondered what she was like. How did she sound? how did she smile? how did she laugh? I was immediately overtaken with sadness. I thought of the grave I couldn’t visit in that cemetery. I thought of the friend I lost this past December. I thought of being at his bedside in the hospital with his wife and children as he left this world. It was one of my hardest loses. I think of him everyday. I miss him. I left the cemetery and tried to regain my composure. I went to the bar. Had a few drinks and shots. And though I had friends there I couldn’t stop thinking. So I left before I embarrassed myself in front of them. I needed to be alone. I went home and sat in my backyard. I drank and I cried and thought of all the reasons of why life is precious. Life may be hard and painful. It may be full of heartache and sadness and horrific events. But life is delicate and beautiful and each day we have should be taken with gratefulness and appreciation. Time is unpredictable and we never know when our time is up.

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